An Open Letter to Ed Balls: everyone has a theory about something.

Dear Ed, (I hope you don't mind me calling you Ed: we've never met, but I have a theory that you wouldn't mind, you being the affable kind of bloke that you are. I'm sure we'd have a few pints in my local, The Fly and the Loaf in Liverpool, and I'm sure we'd leave … Continue reading An Open Letter to Ed Balls: everyone has a theory about something.

An Open Letter to David Bowie: Scotland needs You!

Dear David, We have thought for some time that your absence on the contemporary UK political scene has had a deleterious effect on the output of the once impressive BBC 1 programme, The Brit Awards. Since your demise, the programme has struggled with ratings and the quality of the up and coming acts is not … Continue reading An Open Letter to David Bowie: Scotland needs You!

An Open Letter to Russell Brand: Voting. So what?

So, yes, Russell, democracy ain't perfect. Voting is a corrupted and corruptible process. History will show us what we want to look for and voting will either be the peak of human endeavour or a sleazy, compromised dance of settlement with partners you'd not want to get too close to in case you catch something … Continue reading An Open Letter to Russell Brand: Voting. So what?

An Open Letter to Jose Mourinho: listen for once to the words of Heraclitus.

Dear Jose, Much has been made of your return to Chelsea, much of it by yourself but you could do well to take notice of the words of the Greek left back, Heraclitus, and patron saint of football who said "δὶς ἐς τὸν αὐτὸν ποταμὸν οὐκ ἂν ἐμβαίης". This roughly translates as "No man ever … Continue reading An Open Letter to Jose Mourinho: listen for once to the words of Heraclitus.

I blame the parents! Why not hitting your grades has nothing to do with you.

Along with childhood obesity, teenage ennui and the English riots of 2011, the failure of all young people this summer not to achieve 100% in all their exam results can all be levelled at the doors of their wayward parents who clearly have not suffered long enough or hard enough in order to get their … Continue reading I blame the parents! Why not hitting your grades has nothing to do with you.

An Open Letter to Chris Evans: Score yourself out of 10: 1 billion? Well done you!

The British DJ, Chris Evans, has a slot on his primetime radio show in the morming where he invites children to tell the audience what they are going to do for the first time ever that day. The next day he phones them back and asks them how the experience was, and for them to … Continue reading An Open Letter to Chris Evans: Score yourself out of 10: 1 billion? Well done you!

An Open Letter to Roy Hodgson: please prove the English FA wrong and fail gloriously

Dear Roy Hodgson, I’ve got nothing against you and happen to think you were on a losing to nothing when you came to Liverpool last year.  We all know the results of that story and there’s not much to add to it now. The new story you’re now part of though is alarming in the … Continue reading An Open Letter to Roy Hodgson: please prove the English FA wrong and fail gloriously

An Open Letter to Jeremy Paxman: how do you like your artists? Poached, fried or skewered?

Dear Jeremy Paxman, The recent and utterly predictable furore about Damien Hirst’s retrospective at Tate Modern has so far unsuccessfully (on the BBC at least) tried floating the same old questions when you’re talking about Hirst and his ilk: is it art? Is it any good? And hidden behind those questions – often poorly masquerading … Continue reading An Open Letter to Jeremy Paxman: how do you like your artists? Poached, fried or skewered?

I blame the parents! Perhaps the Daily Mail has been right all along

Dear Daily Mail, There has been more in you today about how parents need to be castigated for their wayward offsprings behaviours, morals and ongoing general bad taste in music. Now, that's not a very nice way to talk about the Royal Family or Ed Miliband but we'll let that pass. What would be a … Continue reading I blame the parents! Perhaps the Daily Mail has been right all along