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Jeremy: I wanted to be… a Crazy Old Trot!

Leaping from sect to sect, as they float through the mighty rivers of the British Labour Party… The Giant International Socialist. The SDP. The Far Right! The mighty SNP! The lofty flowering Communists! The plucky little SWP! The limping soft Tory of Aldershot! The Maidenhead Weeping Wets! The flatulent Blairite of Sedgefield! The Quercus Maximus Millibandus Edwardus!

With my best buddy by my side, we’d sing! Sing! Sing!

[singing]
I’m a Crazy Trot, and I’m okay.
I sleep all night and I plot all day.

BLAIRITES:
He’s a Crazy Trot, and he’s okay.
He sleeps all night and he plots all day.

JEREMY:
I cut down Tories. I eat my lunch.
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin’
And have buttered scones for tea.

BLAIRITES:
He cuts down Tories. He eats his lunch.
He goes to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays he goes shopping
And has buttered scones for tea.
He’s a crazy Trot, and he’s okay.
He sleeps all night and he plots all day.

JEREMY:
I cut down Tories. I skip and jump.
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women’s clothing
And hang around in bars.

BLAIRITES:
He cuts down Tories. He skips and jumps.
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women’s clothing
And hangs around in bars?!
He’s a lumberjack, and he’s okay.
He sleeps all night and he plots all day.

JEREMY:
I cut down Tories. I wear high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra.
I wish I’d been a girlie,
Just like my dear Papa.

MOUNTIES:
He cuts down trees. He wears high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra
He wishes he’d been a girlie
Just like his dear papa.

[singing]
He’s a crazy old Trot, and he’s okay.
He sleeps all night and he plots all day.
He’s a Crazy Old Trot, and he’s okaaaaay.
He sleeps all night and he plots all day.