Tag Archives: Shopping

The Aspire Twitter Panto introduces…Heinous the Banker – and her first whistle!

Once Upon A Time there was a very, very kind caring and considerate BANKER, Heinous, who spent her lifetime looking after other peoples financial problems. She had a vast collection of piggy banks which she regularly tended with great care and affection.

Set in the ancient town of Royal Gluttonnee Bloater, Heinous tends to the rich, the poor and the ultra-poor without favour, prejudice or discrimination. Times are good in Royal Gluttonee Bloater with everyone being able to get some piece of the action. Plates are full, Christmas stockings are full to bursting, shops are bursting to the seams with food from all corners of the world and everyone’s living in the best of all possible worlds.

For more about her Heinous and her exploits in Royal Gluttonee Bloater why not visit:IMG_0364


And here’s her first whistle:


Lean back and glare: a waiting story in the supermarket ebb and flow

I was shopping as-per in the as-per multinational su-per market today and was confided in by one of the check out staff whilst I was waiting to rid myself of my unwanted cash in return for their highly desireable goods.

I’m off in 8 so I sit back in my chair and glare at them hoping they’ll go away“. ‘Them’ of course being your average as per customer ie the likes of you and me.

I thanked her for her insight into the ways of the check out staff and made a mental note that next time I visited the as per su-per market, i would keep an eye out for staff who were due to come off their shifts, stack up the trolley with as much produce as possible, stagger over to them, laboriously unload all my shopping and then admit to forgetting my credit card.

This would be a sure fire way to disrupt the massive machine that is the as-per su-per market. This action could be coupled with plans for other shoppers to amble slowly the wrong way around the shops; breaking eggs in the wrong aisles, taking phone calls at the fish stall and ensuring that the smooth movements the market has planned for us the moment we enter their premises are disrupted at every conceivable opportunity.

Whilst this may not encourage modern capitalism to reconsider its ways, it may be a contributory factor to ensuring that the su-per market senior management oiks have to respond to the irrationality and unpredictability of human beings, even if it does mean their staff have to stay a bit longer and clean up the mess. There’s always more reasons to find ways to ensure every little helps with their overtime bills, I’m sure.

Tips for Business Start Ups: shift your image from being suited, booted and bollocksed.

We’ve all seen them: images of businessmen and women doing what they do well – shaking hands, sat at computer terminals and looking the consummate professional in their suits and boots, ties and hankies. These are what archetypal business people look like and what they do. They sit down, they stand up. They shake hands. They grimace.  They look like something out of an old Kraftwerk video.

But of course the life and style of an entrepreneur – someone who makes something out of nothing –  is lot more visually complicated.  They stand at ovens, they sit in boats on rivers, they may have nothing to do with a computer other than using it as target practice for their failed production line rejects.

We need to start rethinking the visual representation of business people if we want to attract new people, new ideas and new thinking to an activity which is fundamentally honourable in its intention to generate income, jobs and the economy as a whole.

Let’s see images of business activity which are less suited booted and bollocksed, and more ideosyncratic, beautiful and boundless in their vision and imagination.