Tags

I’ve unexpectedly grown quite fond of my apprentice creatives since we first met over a skinny fat café olé. They all remind me of me so we’re all off to a surprisingly good start.

Matthew’s a good looking chap with a spring in his step and a bouncy quiff perched on the top of his shiny red head although he is a bit dim; Mark’s a keen cyclist with legs like tree trunks and shoulder pads to match but drinks like a fish; seven foot Luke can do no wrong when it comes to serving up tea and my favourite biscuits at all hours of the day; Maggie has a keen laser like analytical brain which she applies with great aplomb to online crosswords; Meg bounces around the office like a Labrador puppy and breeds her infectious laugh wherever she goes; Lynn has a rare talent in flip chart management and Joan completes a perfect team with her ability to ask searching questions of everyone she bumps into. She will go far.

Actually, they will all go far and I’m here to show them how far they can go in their chosen career of professional Creative. The only disappointment so far has been John who sadly disappeared during the visit to the factory when I showed him the machinery our multinational conglomerate uses to dispose of the trash it generates as a result of its many production processes. Whether it’s making widgets, shiny new computers or garden equipment, the waste disposal complex is an impressive site to visit for all staff, never mind new recruits as it always serves as a sobering reminder of where we’re all headed towards the end of our days.

And alas, John seems to have found the end of his days sooner than anyone would have expected but I’m sure his mum will understand. All that’s been found has been a pair of flip flops with his name etched into the soles. Dear John. We all commiserated for a while until Luke cheered us all up with a brew and unopened packet of Jaffa Cakes.