One benefit of working as the Creative in a hugely huge multinational corporate conglomerate is the variety of tasks one is presented with on an hourly basis. The pleasures of multiple portfolio development opportunities make for an endlessly fascinating life although sometimes this brings its own set of unforeseen consequences.
For instance, just this morning I was presented with a task that had seen off several management teams combined intellectual capabilities. The task was to turn our vast and disparate work force into a perfectly formed highly motivated staff team in order to impact on productivity and economic performance.
The current management cohort had exercised its collective brain power for many years over this vexatious task and had all but given up until some bright spark suggested bringing their irreconcilable differences to the attention of the resident Creative aka yours truly aka myself.
I set about the task with my usual vim and vigour but had hardly opened the manual (Managing Effective Team Building in order to impact on Productivity and Economic Performance Vol. 9) before the next task had landed in my email: provide a challenging range of services for users of the company’s crèche in order to increase their social cohesion and improve their chances of upward social mobility in later life.
No sooner had I opened the manual (Increasing Social Cohesion and Improving Upward Social Mobility vol. 56) than the next task was dropped on my desk: tackle the antisocial behaviour of lunchtime layabouts in the company’s car park. Needless to say, I had no time at all to consult the manual (Tackling Antisocial Behaviour of Lunchtime Layabouts in the Company Carpark Vol. 213) than yes love you guessed it three other tasks pinged through the ether and presented themselves for immediate creative solutions from myself aka yours truly aka The Creative.
I am of course honoured to think that someone upstairs thinks that the company’s woes can be addressed through my services and simultaneously grateful for the opportunities to extend my career in such a diverse manner. What did we do in the olden days? I mused as I set about solving the sickness record of persistently sick employees. Not solve such intractable problems? Employ the services of what or who? Use magic?
Whatever we did, that was then and this love is now and I don’t have time to reflect on the whys and wherefores of how the Company did or didn’t address its creaking infrastructure as I’m far too busy sticking Elastoplasts on short term issues, reading the manuals about the medium term ones and writing the manuals to address the longer term intractable ones.
All I know is that I’m busy busy busy, earning a good whack, have all the benefits of freelance employment status and none of the disadvantages of being micromanaged by an outdated management team who don’t know where to begin when it comes to building the perfectly formed highly motivated staff team in order to impact on productivity and economic performance. Life is nothing short of perfection and nothing on earth can ruin it.