Theresa May: clearly a woman who has never stood in a queue at Heathrow.

So, Mrs May, you want to forge trade links with Never Never Land and build another runway on a site which will soon stretch from Swindon to Basildon.

Good for you. Trouble is Mrs May, the xenophobia and hostility of your party and its apparatchiks to anyone born south of Dover or east of Essex means that trying to forge these links is an increasingly difficult struggle.

Have you ever stood in a passport queue at Heathrow, trying to get into the country along with over 500 other visitors when there are just two passport controllers at the desk who are working their hardest but who are clearly at the end of their rota duty and want to get back to the staff canteen as fast as they can? Have you ever spent the mind numbingly underground trip from shopping mall 83 at  Heathrow to shopping mall 2042 in Tottenham Court Road?

Rhetorical question I know. Of course you’ve done neither, and probably haven’t the foggiest idea of how to go about either of these processes. Fact is Mrs May, for all your rhetoric about forging the greatest partnership of the 21st century, your party’s beliefs and value systems are firmly stuck in the 15th when the catch phrase ‘you’re not from ‘round ‘ere are you?’ could be said to visitors just seconds before they were disemboweled in a congratulatory fit of English nationalism.

Mrs May, if you really want to forge those partnerships then throw open the doors to this country and stop it becoming a haven of miserabilist, scared and paranoid shopkeepers.

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